Stages of growth for survivors

You realise you cannot manage your pain alone and are seeking help

You acknowledge that something terrible happened. It is not your imagination; you were a victim of child sexual assault.

You begin to recognise your feelings. There may be sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and shame. Allow yourself to experience them all.

You discuss the abuse thoroughly with your therapist. You completely re-experience and begin to deal with feelings appropriate for each incident of abuse that you can recall. You share feelings of shame with your survivors group.

You begin to realise that you were probably acting appropriately at the time the abuse occurred. (That is, your reactions were appropriate; the abuse was not!)

If there was a part of the molestation that was pleasurable to you, you are coming to terms with the fact of that pleasure and dealing with the guilt surrounding it.

You perceive the connection between your molestation and your current behavioural patterns and relationships. Begin to develop some control over that connection.

You recognise that you have a choice as to whether or not you confront your perpetrators.

You are beginning to understand what you desire from relationships as you learn to trust your perceptions.

You are able to enjoy intimacy.

You develop a sense of self and your self-esteem has increased.

Your resistance to talking about the abuse (although not necessarily the details of it) has diminished.

You realized that you have a choice as to whether or not you forgive your perpetrators. You have forgiven yourself.

You are in touch with your past anger, but have become detached from it so that it is not a constant part of your feelings and a negative influence on your other feelings, your functioning, and your relationships with others. You no longer live in the past. You're living the present and welcome the future with all its fears, imperfections, and unpredictabilities.