A Soul's Journey to Healing

It’s both a terrifying and powerful thing to do and obviously not for everyone! I think each person needs to choose for themselves if they would ever want to pursue doing something like this.

For a while now I’ve been considering different options, what could I do about my own abuse and how could I find some kind of closure for myself. I’ve toyed with the idea of going through the legal system and outing them publicly, I’ve considered speaking to him and asking him that important question I need to know, “WHY?” “Why have you robbed me of a normal life? Was it just for your own kicks?”

Part of me wants him to suffer publicly, part of me doesn’t because it means his wife and children will then know what he’s done, do they need that? But then I wonder, was I his only victim? What if I wasn’t and others need to have a voice against him? Can I just leave it alone? I don’t think so, and of course, the longer it’s left, the greater the risk that I’ll never get a chance to have my say in one form or another. People get old. People die. I don’t want to lose the opportunity.

Before I do choose which option to take, I will carefully consider all options, the bottom line for me is that whatever I choose, it has to be the right form of action for me to take. This is about my healing.

I’ve known of people who have gone through the courts, some have ended up in jail, others don’t. Sure, their friends and family find out what went on, but no doubt they’ve got lies to cover things like that up.

I’ve been having nightmares lately, and I think partly they are caused by me thinking about all of this stuff, I hadn’t had any in years, then before going back on my anti-depressant medication I had three and then they stopped. In this last week or so I’ve had another three. There is no outside stress causing them, they happen usually after a reasonably okay day. I believe my thoughts on confronting my abuser are causing them, dredging memories, creating scary situations, terrifying me in my sleep.

He has to go! And in that, I mean his power, his control over my memories HAS TO GO! I need the control back, I need my own power, I need to turn the tables in one way or another.

What a tough decision this one is to make, and unfortunately it’s one I have to make on my own.

I found a site though on my search for tips about confronting an abuser, check it out, it might be helpful for you too.

Pandora’s Project