A Soul's Journey to Healing

Depression – What it Feels Like

The clinical screening process is set up of approximately 9 different symptoms, if you suffer from at least 5 of these mostly all day, every day for more than two weeks, there is a good chance you have depression and should see your doctor. If you only have a couple of them – depending on severity of symptoms – it could also show depression. I can’t stress how important it is to get it checked out by your family doctor if you feel you could have depression.

The clinical symptoms are as follows: mood depressed; sleep disturbances; lack of interest or enjoyment in regular tasks; feelings of guilt and self reproach; poor concentration and indecisive; appetite and weight down (can be up but most often down); agitation (can’t sit still) or retardation (just sit and vegetate). These are the things your medical practitioner will want to know about to help give you a diagnosis. Below is a list of the more non-clinical symptoms which you should also bring to the doctor’s attention.

How it may feel:

• Things just seem “off” or “wrong”.
• You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
• You’re crying a lot, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
• You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
• Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
• Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.
• Smiling feels stiff and awkward. Its like your smiling muscles are frozen.
• It seems like there is a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
• You’re forgetful, and its very difficult to concentrate on anything.
• You’re anxious and worried a lot.
• You have recurrent thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses.
• You have a feeling of impending doom – you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what.
• In your perception of the world around you, its always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and grey.
• You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
• You’re agitated, jumpy and anxious much of the time.
• Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers any more.
• Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

How it may affect your life:

• Your place is a mess; laundry and dishes are piled up, mail is unopened etc.. (assuming you usually stay on top of these things).
• You’ve been making excuses to friends why you can’t get together with them, or you’re telling them you’re “just too tired”.
• You’ve really let yourself go – you’re wearing clothes that make you look dumpy, you’ve stopped exercising, you’re not shaving unless its absolutely necessary.
• You’re wearing mostly dark colours.
• You’re putting off things that need to be done: your car registration, taking that book back to the library, buying a birthday present for someone.
• You can’t remember the last time you laughed a real laugh.
• You don’t feel like you can handle your job any more, even though nothing has changed so far as increased workload or responsibility.
• You’ve been to the doctor a lot recently, for things like headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, but the doctor can’t find anything wrong. Or you have convinced yourself you have a life-threatening illness – AIDS or cancer or a tumour.
• You wake up in the middle of the night, and can’t go back to sleep. During the day you sleep a lot to escape from your life. It takes you a whole weekend to do chores that used to only occupy a morning.
• Since you’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy doing, you try a lot of different activities in the hope that you can find something to occupy your time.
• You have no ability to imagine or conceive of your life even a few days ahead – no plans, no hopes. You can’t even be sure you’ll still be here.
• You wear the same clothes a few days in a row – choosing new ones is too much effort.
• You lose things, you lose track of things and can’t always remember what day it is.
• You’ve pretty much stopped eating, or caring what you eat and whether it tastes good.
• On the flip side, you may be eating all the time because you’re bored and hope that food will somehow satisfy the vacant feeling you have.
• You’ve lost interest in sex or even physical affection. Hugging someone doesn’t feel any different from leaning against a wall.
• You’re avoiding talking to anyone to whom you have an obligation (your boss, friends who you’re ignoring).
• You’re watching TV constantly – lying on the couch or on/in your bed flicking the remote seems to be the most effort you can deal with.
• You hope you don’t run into anyone you know while you’re out. Not only is maintaining a normal conversation difficult, but you are sure they’ll notice something is wrong with you.