Worst things to say to someone with depression

Some people trivialise depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that prayer is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression!

Here is a list of the worst things to say to someone suffering depression, collected from various sources on the internet, including some of the ones I've had served at me:

• "You are beyond help."

• "When you 'get over it', get back to me."

• "I have my own shit to deal with."

• "Stop using your depression as an excuse."

• "What's 'your' problem?"

• "Will you stop that constant whining?"

• "What makes you think that anyone cares?"

• "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"

• "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."

• "But its all in your mind."

• "I thought you were stronger than that!"

• "No one ever said life was fair."

• "As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."

• "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps."

• "Do you feel better now?" (Usually following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked "whats wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)

• "Why don't you just grow up?"

• "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

• "There are a lot of people worse off than you."

• "You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"

• "Its a beautiful day!"

• "You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed?"

• "What do you have to be depressed about?"

• "Happiness is a choice."

• "You think 'you've' got problems..."

• "Well at least its not that bad."

• "Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."

• "There is always somebody worse off than you are."

• "Lighten up!"

• "You should get off all those pills."

• "You are what you think."

• "Cheer up!"

• "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

• "Why can't you just be normal?"

• "Things aren't 'that' bad, are they?"

• "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"

• "You need to get out more."

• "We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]

• "Get a grip!"

• "Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds to be."

• "Take a hot bath. Thats what I always do when I'm upset."

• "Get a job!"

• "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone!"

• "You don't 'look' depressed!"

• "You're so selfish."

• "You never think of anyone but yourself."

• "You're just looking for attention."

• "Have you got PMS?"

• "You'll be a better person because of it."

• "Everybody has a bad day now and then."

• "You should buy nicer clothes to wear."

• "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."

• "Why don't you smile more?"

• "A person your age should be having the time of their life."

• "The only one you're hurting is yourself."

• "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."

• "This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL" -- after someone confided to a supervisor about their depression.

• "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."

• "You brought it on yourself."

• "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, its all in YOUR hands."

• "Get off your rear and do something" or "Just do it".

• "Why should I care?"

• "Snap out of it, will you?"

• "You 'want' to feel this way!"

• "You have no reason to feel this way."

• "Its your own fault."

• "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

• "You're always worried about 'your' problems."

• "Your problems aren't that big!"

• "What are you worried about? You should be fine!"

• "Just don't think about it."

• "Go away."

• "You don't have the ability to do it."

• "Just wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."

• "Go out and have some fun."

• "You're making me depressed as well..."

• "I just want to help you."

• "The world out there is not that bad."

• "Just try a little harder."

• "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."

• "You need a boy/girl-friend."

• "You need a hobby."

• "Just pull yourself together."

• "You'd feel better if you went to church."

• "I think your depression is a way of punishing us." ---- someone's mother.

• "Shit or get off the pot."

• "So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

• "What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."

• "You're a writer, aren't you? Just think of all the good material you're getting out of this."

• "Have you tried camomile tea?"

• "Oh perk up!"

• "Try not being so depressed."

• "Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have time to brood..."

• "Go out and get some fresh air....that always makes me feel better."

• "You have to take up your bed and carry on."

• "Why don't you give up going to these quacks (doctors) and throw out all those pills, then you'll feel better."

• "Well, we all have our cross to bear."

• "You should join a band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking about yourself so much."

• "You change your mind."

• "You're useless."

• "Nobody is responsible for your depression."

• "You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."

• "I want the old (insert name) back. I don't like the way you are now."

• "You're a real downer to be around. I don't think I can handle the way you are now."

• "Maybe you just need to go to church more often."

• "Why don't you just get a part time job: you would feel so much better."

• "You are draining your family."

• "I hear McDonalds is hiring."

• "You are embarrassing me."

• "How much longer will it take for you to get out on your own?"

• "I know others who have overcome the same illness and they are holding down jobs: so what's holding you up?"

• "You'd feel better if you lost some weight."

• "Maybe you shouldn't try to take on so much - having it all is just a myth - I know I wouldn't work if I didn't have to."

• "You're too hard on yourself - quit being such a perfectionist and you'll find some of your stress goes away!"

• "Chill out!"

• "You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass."