Should You Really?
Have you ever really thought much about the power of the word ‘should’? This is something I first thought about after reading something on this very subject.
The biggest problem with the word ‘should’ is that it implies judgement and expectation. Why ‘should’ I do something this way or that way? Why can’t I do it my way – the way it works for me? People become omniscient but the truth of the matter is we don’t know it all!!
I’ll tell you of a little experiment I tried with my sister a few years ago. We threw out the ’shoulds’ and similar meaning words. For a week we struggled through what was to prove a hard habit to break.
In that week we slipped up only a few times and corrected ourselves immediately – throwing that ‘should’ out the window and using words which didn’t put needless expectations on ourselves or others or come across as judgemental.
It’s quite an experiment if you’d like to try it out, but I can promise you, it’s not an easy one. You can try it for a week and see what difference it makes.
What you’ll soon realise is you not only tell others what they ‘should’ do but it’s a great lesson in finding out how much you judge yourself and place unnecessary expectations on yourself.
Once the experiment was finished it helped us realise that the word ‘should’ definitely carried with it a negative tone.
So, what happened after the experiment? We were both mindful of choosing our words better but unfortunately we slackened off over time
I guess I could say “I should’ve kept going with what I learnt”. Can you see what that implies, that I can’t follow things through, which is nonsense.
A better way would be “I’ll try to implement these changes and do my best, if I slip up, then I can look at this as part of the learning curve”. It’s a more positive way to say the same thing with no unnecessary pressure added.
What got me thinking about this again was during a recent session with my therapist, when by surprise she said, “okay – no more should-ing!” I laughed over the fact I’d dropped back into old habits again. It made me realise it was something I really would like to change once and for all.
I know sometimes when learning something new, it can be hard to remember them but there are things you can do to remind yourself. I might put a sign up in front of the computer to remind me.
I’m not out of the woods on this one by a long shot, but it’s something I’d like to keep working on. And I’ll probably slip up from time to time, that’s okay too, there’s no pressure to be perfect and I am human after all.
As they say – practise makes perfect!
