Superhero Syndrome

Faster than a speeding bullet?
More powerful than a locomotive?
Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?
Become weak in the presence of kryptonite?

No? Then I hate to be the one to break it to you but you're not a superhero! The worst thing is most of us try to be, we take on so much in life and find ourselves constantly burning out.

I'm talking from experience with this burn out thing. I tend to take on too much; most of my friends will tell you that. I'm one of those people who get a lot out of helping others, it’s always been my nature to do so.

In recent years I've put a lot of work into several forums, some support forums, others on different subjects. As well as doing that, I've had my hands full supporting friends going through similar things to myself. Now, that’s just touching the surface of what I'm talking about, but it gives you an idea.

After a while of doing too much, I inevitably burn out. The bad thing about burning out is I am as useless as a chocolate teapot, more importantly I've let someone really important down by letting things get to this point. Who? Myself!!

It’s like when you're on a plane and they run through the safety procedure before you take off, in case of an emergency, use the oxygen first and then help your children or someone around you that needs help.

This applies to us all I believe, we can't help anyone else if we don't help ourselves first. But we've also got to learn where to draw the line.

Now, I don't have any magic answer to this, but learning to be more assertive can be helpful. Think of when you're getting a little bogged down with work or anything else, at this crucial time when you're heading for burn out, being assertive can help you stop adding to the list of demands on your time.

Learning to be more assertive isn't easy, it’s like learning to play a piano, you can't learn it in one day. The same goes for any strategy you're learning to better yourself. Patience and practise will help you get there!

If your time or energy is getting stretched though, there is nothing wrong with saying no to new demands on your time or even when you need to cut back on what you're already doing.

There is no reason to feel guilty because you've said no, yet many of us do. We often feel the need to offer an explanation why we have to say no or cut back on things. The truth of the matter is we don't ever have to offer anyone a reason. And it’s unreasonable for people to expect one.

The truth of the matter is that you don't have to justify your actions or feelings.

But with a lack of assertiveness we can find our needs unmet and through learning different techniques can help you get your feelings aired without inflaming a situation.

Here are some things that might help.

• Be direct and honest in your approach.
• Express your feelings and beliefs calmly and repeat them if necessary.
• Take time to form a reply - ask for a moment to think.
• Respect other's opinions.
• State facts, not your own interpretations which might be wrong, e.g. "You didn't take the garbage out" NOT "You're the laziest child I know".
• Deal with little problems before they become big ones.
• Compromise on less important issues.
• Say 'no' nicely. Repeat if necessary. You don't need to give excuses for not being able to help others.